Past Winners

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.

A realist sees a freight train.

The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the track.

Mr. Maxey was visiting his lawyer to discuss how unreasonable his wife was being.

Lawyer: "What were you and your wife fighting about this time?"

Mr. Maxey: "I pointed out that she was trying to drive a nail in the wall with a hair brush. Is this any reason to get mad?"

Lawyer: "Is that all you said?"

Mr. Maxey: "Well, I just suggested that she would have better luck using her head."

A boxer complains to his doctor about insomnia.

Doc: "Have you tried counting sheep?"

Boxer: "Yes, but whenever I get to 9, I stand up."

A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses.

"Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want to do the same."

"Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend, "it's your cow."