Past Winners

When I worked in the post office, a lady barged in and started complaining that she’d got home to find a note from the postman – he’d tried to deliver a package but nobody was in.

“My husband was home all day!” she fumed.

After I gave her the package, she said, “Oh, I’m so excited – it’s my husband’s new hearing aid!”

Luke: I remember the time I played against Yale in football. What a game it was."

Mark: "What position did you play?"

Luke: "In the first game I was left...."

Mark: "End?"

Luke: "Left out. In the second half I was back...."

Mark: "You were back in?"

Luke: "No, way back."

Customer: "How much is the hamburger steak?"

Butcher: "$1.98 cents a pound."

Customer: "But at the corner market is is only $0.98 cents a pound."

Butcher: "Then you should go there to buy it."

Customer: "But they are all out of it."

Butcher: " Oh, I see. When we don't have any we sell it for $0.50 cents a pound."

Ten-year-old Tommy greeted his sister's boy friend very enthusiastically, "That harmonica you gave me for my birthday is easily the best present I have ever had!"

"I'm glad you liked it," the boyfriend replies.

"Oh yeah! Mother gives me a quarter a day not to play it!"