Past Winners

A deaf old lady went to the doctor to find out whether there was any risk of her getting pregnant again.

He told her, “Mrs. Marx, you’re seventy-five. Whilst one can never rule out an act of God, if you were to have a baby it would be a miracle.”

When she got home, her husband asked her what the doctor had said.

“I didn’t quite catch it all,” she admitted, “but it sounded a bit fishy; something about an act of cod, and if I had a baby it would be a mackerel.”

One of the oldest dances popular in D.C. has a new name: The Politician.

"All you have to do is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step, side-step, and turn around."

A criminal has an idea for a business. To execute the crooked plan he hires a partner. He explains everything, “First, you secretly flatten people’s car tires. Then, offer our tire changing service through an advertisement. Got it?”

A few weeks later, after getting no customers, the cops show up at their tire changing garage, placing them under arrest due to suspicious advertising. On the way to jail, the criminal who thought up the plan asks the partner about the advertisement.

“Well, I had a great idea. I realized we could save ourselves a lot of time by stabbing our flyer directly into the tire.”

A farmer walks into a hardware store and asks for a chainsaw that can cut down 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The farmer is suitably impressed, and buys it.

The next day he brings it back, complaining that it would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY!

The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what’s wrong, and the farmer says, “What’s that noise?”