Past Winners

Because of a minor infraction, a sailor aboard Navy ship bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined, and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23.

Wife: "I'm pregnant...."

Dad: "Hi pregnant, I’m dad!"

Wife: "No, no you’re not."

The official glossary to running late...

"On the way..." - Still in bed.

"In the car..." - In the shower.

"GPS says 35 min..." - Getting ready.

"There's traffic..." - Leaving the house.

"Parking now..." - 15 minutes out.

"Can't find a spot..." - 5 minutes out.

"Walking in..." - Looking for a spot.

My neighbor called and invited me over to see his new aardvark.

When I arrived he ask if I would like to play with him?

The aardvark was growling loudly and does not seem very friendly so I ask, "Does it bite?"

My neighbor replied, "That's what I want to find out..."