Past Winners

Jim bought a computer, even though he had never even used a typewriter before. After investigating the computer, he decided to call the help line. A friendly voice explained step by step how his new machine worked. All went well until the voice told him to press the space bar. After studying the keyboard, Jim said, "I've got the latest model and it doesn't have a space bar."

But after further explanation, he managed to find it. A week later, Jim again had problems and called the help line. An instructor was then sent to his house for training. But after a few minutes, Jim's head was spinning. "You don't need to go any further," he sighed, "I don't understand a thing."

To cheer him up, the instructor said, "Hey, there are people who understand a lot less than you. Last week we had someone on the phone who didn't even know where the space bar was!"

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. 

She looks the man up and down and says, I've got news for you, "You're going straight to hell!"
 
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Oh man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

What do you say to comfort an English teacher?

They’re, there, their.