Past Winners

My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.

Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.

A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding.

When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car behind me!"

1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?" 

2nd Person: "A little. Whats wrong?" 

1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened." 

2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?"

1st Person: "Its a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it."

A psychiatrist congratulated his patient on making such good progress.

”You call this progress?” snapped the patient. ”Six months ago, I was Abraham Lincoln. Now I’m a nobody!”