Past Winners

Child: "Mom, can I go out to play?"

Mom: "What? With those holes in your pants?"

Child: (looking down at his pants) "No, with the kids next door..."

Why is there no egg in eggplant?

Why is there no ham in a hamburger?

How come English Muffins do not come from England?

How come French Fries do not come from France?

Why doesn’t pineapple contain apples or pines?

How come a Guinea Pig is neither a pig nor is it from Guinea?

His request approved, the news photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, "Let’s go!"

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, "Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I’m a photographer for cable news," he responded, "and I need to get some close up shots."

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, ‘So, what you’re telling me, is… you’re NOT my flight instructor?"

A young secretary in my office was telling anyone who would listen about what a fun time she had on her vacation. She then asked her boss for two weeks leave in which to get married.

"But you just had two weeks off," said the boss. "Why didn't you get married then?"

"What, and ruin my vacation?" she whined.