Past Winners

A fly feels a bug on its back.

"Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?" the fly asks.

"I 'might' be," giggles the mite.

"That's the worst pun I've ever heard," groans the fly.

"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly..."

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now, turn it off and get to bed!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER:
"But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? OH! Styling gel, Mousse, Something...?"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER:
"I don't care what you've discovered, You still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER:
"Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

An elderly American couple went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker explained to the husband that, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000 or you can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150".

The man thought about it and told him that he would just have his wife shipped home. The undertaker was surprised. He asked the man, "Why would you spend $5,000 to have your wife shipped home when it would be wonderful for her to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried, and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that risk."

A new remote control for your television was being developed that enables the truly lazy to surf channels while moving even less muscles than before. The new device totally eliminates the need to stretch your arm that little bit more from your couch, to get the remote directly in front of the TV. Now the only muscle you need to move is your finger.

This is just one more step to inventing technologies that turn people into furniture, and their brains into Jell-O.
The company spokesman indicated it wanted to refine the product even more by making it thought-controlled, thereby completely removing the need for any sort of muscle movement at all, but this wouldn't work because it has been discovered that most TV addicts are completely incapable of any kind of thought at all.