Past Winners

A couple who work at the circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. The couple produces photos of their 50 foot motor-home, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.

"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."

Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment. "Our nanny is an expert in pediatric welfare and diet."

The social workers are finally satisfied. They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"

"It doesn't really matter, as long as he or she fits in the cannon."

A Sunday School teacher wanted to use squirrels as an example of a diligent work ethic and being prepared. She started the lesson by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children were excited to show her what they knew and leaned forward eagerly.

"I'm thinking of something that lives in trees and eats nuts." No hands went up. "It can be gray or brown and it has a long bushy tail." The children looked around the room at each other, but still no one raised a hand.

"It chatters and sometimes it flips its tail when it's excited?"

Finally one little boy shyly raised his hand. The teacher breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Okay, Michael. What do you think it is?"

"Well," said the boy, "I know the answer's supposed to be Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me.

A man walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?"

The librarian responds, "It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not."

Little Johnny went with his mother for the first time to deliver lunches to the elderly.

Little Johnny kept starring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.

He said, very softly, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"