Past Winners

In the zoo, a giraffe, talking to a buffalo says, “Yeah, I know. They can totally get out but they choose to hang around.”

A seal says a walrus, “That’s right. I’ve seen the big hairy one crawling under the bushes outside the gate.”

A woodchuck says to a prairie dog, “I saw it chew up all the grass. I think we might be related somehow. Maybe cousins.”

Opposite the animals, eating their lunch, one landscaper says to the other, “I wonder if they talk to each other?”

When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. "The first seven years are the hardest," she said.

"How long have you been married?" I asked.

"Seven years," she replied.

A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.

Finally they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."

I made a graph of all my past relationships...

It has an "ex" axis and a "why" axis.