Past Winners

A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier.

"Have you any two watt bulbs?"

"For what?"

"That’ll do, I'll take two."

"Two what?"

"I thought you didn’t have any."

"Any what?"

"Yes please!"

A fellow was given a dirty old lamp for his birthday. He cleaned it up and POOF, out popped a genie!

The genie said, "I shall give you three wishes. You may have anything you like."

The guy thought for a minute and said, "I would like a billion dollars."

"You shall have it," said the genie and he granted him the wish. "Anything else?"

The guy thought for a while and said, "I would like a VW Bug with A/C, power locks, power windows, an incredible radio, you know - and all the works!"

"Your wish is my command," said the genie, making the dream car appear. "What is your last wish?"

"Hmmm. I think I'll save it for a rainy day," answered the birthday boy.

"OK, suit yourself," replied the genie. "I'll wait and listen, ready to answer."

The happy guy got in his new car and drove off to show all his friends. As he turned on the radio, a familiar commercial came on and he began to sing along, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener..."

A climate scientist and a climate-change denier walk into a bar. The climate-change denier goes to the bartender and asks for the strongest drink in the house.

The bartender takes out a bottle and says, "This is Absinthe, about 75% alcohol. Can I sell you a glass?"

The climate-change denier gets all upset and leaves the bar in a huff. The climate scientist says to the bartender, "Those climate-change deniers! You can show them the proof but they still won't buy it!

On a recent flight from New York to Seattle an elderly lady stands up and shouts, "Is there a doctor here?"

A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her, "I am. What is the problem?"

She replies, "Do you want to meet my daughter?"