Past Winners

A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"

The matchmaker said, "What exactly are you looking for?"

"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don't go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."

The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the results to the woman: "Buy a television."

Two music lovers were being held hostage and both were going to be shot. One of them was a country music lover and the other enjoyed all types of music. Before they were shot they were asked for one last request before they died.

The country music lover said, "I would like to listen to 'Achy Breaky Heart' 50 times in a row..."

The other music lover said, "Please, shoot me first!"

My new neighbor, Hans, just moved to the states from Norway and was arrested for speeding... driving 66 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone. However, he explained to the officer, "I saw a big sign with 66 on it."

"That's highway 66," the officer said disgustedly.

Hans replied, "You should have seen me yesterday on Highway 110!"

Little Johnny's father took him on a fishing trip to Canada.

On returning home after catching only three fish his father says, "The way I figure it each fish cost us $400!"

Little Johnny replied, "Well, at that price it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more of them than we did."