Past Winners

Two guys are standing on a rooftop. The first one looked down and asked, "Hey, if I jump down from here, how long do you think it would take me to reach the ground?"

Second one then also looked down and said, "Well, it's pretty high up here. I think it would take at least five days!"

"Really? Okay, here's another one," continues the first. "Do you think if I would die after I jump?"

"Of course you would, five days! How could you survive that long without water?!"

A man was lying in a hospital, covered in bandages from head to toe. The guy in the next bed said, ”What do you do for a living?”

The bandaged man replied, “I used to be a window cleaner.”

“Oh, when did you give that up?”

“About halfway down.”

THINGS THAT IS DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

 THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive- aggressive disorder  

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Nope, no more beer for me.
2. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
3. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

Little Johnny turns up late for school one day and his teacher asks why.

Little Johnny responds, "It's snowing heavily outside, so every time I took one step forward, I slipped two steps back."

"Well, how did you make it to school then?"

Little Johnny sighs, "I got fed up, so I turned to go home."