Past Winners

A young woman is visiting her parents. While helping her mother fix dinner, she opens the refrigerator. On the inside of the door, she sees a spicy picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built young woman.

"What's this about, Mom?" she asks.

"Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat," the mother answers.

"Is it working?" her daughter asks.

"Yes and no," her mom replies. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20."

At their high school reunion, Sarah and Esther meet up for the first time in fifty years.

Sarah begins to tell Esther about her children: "My son is a doctor and he's got four kids. My daughter is married to a lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about your kids?"

Esther replies, "Unfortunately, Morty and I don't have any children and so we have no grandchildren either."

Sarah says, "No children and no grandchildren... so tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?"

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. "Mr. Cohen," she says, "would you say you’re honest?"

"Honest?" replies Mr. Cohen. "Let me tell you something about honesty. My father lent me $75,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

"Dad sued me for the money."

A quiet little man was brought before a judge. The judge looked down at the man and then at the charges and then down at the little man in amazement.

"Can you tell me in your own words what happened?" he asked the little man.

"I'm a mathematician dealing in the nature of proof," said the little man.

"Yes, go on," said the astounded judge.

"Well. I was at the library and I found the books I wanted and went to take them out. They told me my library card had expired and I had to get a new one. I went to the registration office and got in another line. I filled out my forms for another card. I got back in line for my card."

"And?" said the judge.

"And the clerk asked me, 'Can you prove you're from New York City?'"

"What happened next?" the judge asked.

"I punched him."