Past Winners

My daughter wants the new iPhone for her birthday.

I told her she will if she gets good grades, does her chores and follows the house rules.

Otherwise, she will get a cheaper phone because...

It’s my way or the Huawei...

On day when returning home from work my wife proceeded to tell me that she had been called into the principal's office because of the things OUR SON had done at school that day.

We agreed that he should be disciplined the same was I was disciplined when I was his age: being sent to my room without supper.

But in my son's room, he has his own color TV, telephone, computer, and CD player. So what is a parent to do in this day and age?

We sent him to MY room!

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher.

The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a school teacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times!"

A friend of mine went on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant. It's lying on the ground in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it and the elephant happily trots away.

Twenty years later we were in London on business and were watching a circus procession pass by. When along comes an elephant, as it gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk and lift him into the air and smashes him into the ground.

It was a different elephant.