In laughter the 'L' comes first...
The rest of the letters come 'aughter' it.
Boss: Congratulations! I'm promoting you to manage our Montreal office!
Young man (disappointed): But sir! There's nothing up there but bar girls and hockey players.
Boss (now insulted): I'll have you know that MY MOTHER is from Montreal!
Young man (thinking fast): No kidding? What hockey team did she play on?
After returning from a trip overseas, my luggage did not show up in the airport baggage area. Being a frequent flyer I knew the drill and went to the lost luggage office.
I told the woman there that my bags hadn't shown up on the carousel. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and that I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked, "has your plane arrived yet?"
What did the Brit say when he paid 2,000 pounds for his fridge?
"Goodness gracious, that costs a ton!"