Past Winners

A man was looking out his window when he noticed that there was a snail on one of his plants. So he took the snail and threw him as far as he could.

Ten years later the old man heard a tap tap tap on his window, and when he looked up he saw a very cross snail who looked at him and said, “Hey, what did you do that for?!”

I was at a mini-mart one day when I noticed a woman smoking a cigarette while she was gassing up her car. There was a deputy in the store watching her. Suddenly the woman's arm caught fire. She was screaming and trying desperately to put it out, but couldn't.

The deputy ran over and put out the fire with his soda. He then handcuffed the lady and put her in the back of his squad car. I couldn't resist going over to him and asking what he was charging the woman with.

He looked at me, smiled, and said, "I'm charging her with waving a firearm around."

A man was standing in a line at a bank to withdraw cash. After an hour his turn came and he gave his bank details to the cashier. The cashier said, "I am sorry, sir. There's no cash."

Fuming with anger, the man rushed to the manager's room and yelled at him. "You are a big bank and you don't have cash? Close my account!" he demanded.

The manager pacified the man and rushed to the cashier. Minutes later he returned and the man asked, "Did you bring my cash or you are still running out of it?"

The manager replied, "Sir, we have enough cash. Unfortunately, your account does not."

Friend: "You shouldn't be gambling. One day you may win but you will lose the next day. The following day you may win again but the very next day you may lose."

Me: "Oh, I hear you! But don't worry, I will not be gambling daily... only on alternate days!"