Past Winners

"How the diet going?"

"Not good, I had eggs for breakfast."

"Scrambled?"

"No, chocolate."

To make something DIRT CHEAP, then make it out of CHEAP DIRT!

When we finished a personality assessment at work, I asked my friend Dan if he would share the results with his wife.

"That would require me to go home and say, ‘Hi, honey. I just paid someone $400 to tell me what’s wrong with me,’" he said.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked.

"Well, based on that, and considering we’ve been married 23 years, she’d probably hand me a bill for $798,000."

My mother, a meticulous housekeeper, often lectured my father about tracking dirt into the house. One day he came in to find her furiously scrubbing away at a spot on the floor and launching into a lecture.

"I don’t know what you’ve brought in," she said, "but I can’t seem to get this out."

He studied the situation for a moment and, without a word, moved a figurine on the window-sill where the sun was streaming in. The spot immediately disappeared.