Past Winners

Never, NEVER, NEVER make your girlfriend mad...

They can remember stuff that that hasn't even happened yet!

I have determined that there are two important lessons in life...

I can't remember the first, BUT THE SECOND is to write everything down!

When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing: I panicked and called my father.

"How do you get a squirrel out of a basement?" I shrieked.

Dad advised me to leave a trail of peanut butter and crackers from the basement to the outside. It worked—the squirrel ate his way out of the house. Unfortunately, he passed another squirrel eating his way in.

Mr. Sharma: ”When I die, love, I want to be cremated.”

Mrs. Sharma: ”That is a good idea, dear. The gold in your teeth ought to pay all the expenses.”