Past Winners

- Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really care anymore.

- I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

- Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

What do you call four monkeys who share an Amazon account?

Prime-mates.

The computers in the cash counting room in one of Las Vegas’ biggest casinos all crashed, and the workers were forced to count and tally the money by writing down the totals on a ledger.

There was cash in piles covering the entire counting table.

One of the workers called the I.T. Department for a solution to the computer snafu. Suddenly, he hung up the phone, walked over to the table, and swept the piles of money into a burlap sack.

“What are you doing?” yelled one of his co-workers.

“The I.T. guys told me to clear the cash.”

A man and a woman are having a date.

The woman remarks, “You know, you look totally like my third husband!”

The man is startled and asks, “Really, how many times have you been married?”

“Twice.”