Past Winners

Hey Dad, can you pass the salt?

I don't know, son, can you pass the semester?

A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes that are clearly undersized for him. The salesman says, "But, sir, I can see from up here that you'll need much bigger shoes than that."

The guy says, "That's OK, please bring me the smaller ones."

The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight, and then he stands up, obviously in pain. The salesman just has to ask, "Sir, why must you have these undersized shoes?"

He says to the salesman, "I work a boring job, my mother-in-law has just moved in with us, my wife is nagging all the time, and our daughter does nothing but run around screaming the whole day. The only pleasure I have in life is taking off these tight shoes."

Q: What did the sick fish say to his friend?

A: I'm a little green around the gills.

And engineer died and when before St. Peter in heaven. St. Peter looked at his book and said "Oh, you belong with the devil."

After a few months in hell the engineer met with the devil and said, "You don't have anything here. I am an engineer and I can design buildings, air conditioning..all kinds of things."

The devil said, "OK... do it!"

When construction was complete the devil was very pleased. Then he gets a call from St. Peter who said, "Do you remember that engineer we sent you? We made a big mistake. He is supposed to be in heaven."

The devil replied with a loud and forceful voice, "YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!"

St. Peter replied, "We will sue you!"

The devil started laughing. "What are you laughing about?" Where are you going to find a lawyer?"