Alexander Graham Bell: “I invented the telephone!”
His brother, Taco: “I’m working on some pretty big stuff too.”
Did you hear about the guy who made a fortune investing in apples?
Turns out he was in cider trading.
Guest to the waiter: "Can you bring me what the lady at the next table is having?"
Waiter: "Sorry, sir, but I'm pretty sure she wants to eat it herself."
Health inspector: "I'm afraid you have too many roaches in here."
Restaurant owner: "How many am I allowed?"