misc jokes

Twelve places you won't find a Facebook logo on the window:

1) The city morgue
2) A gynecologist
3) A proctologist
4) A urologist
5) A tow truck company
6) The coliseum in 50 A.D.
7) A self esteem weekly group meeting.
8) A collection agency
9) A marriage counselor
10) A funeral home
11) Alcoholics Anonymous
12) The IRS

An Idiot was once asked," Where is the center of the earth?" to which he instantly replied," Right here!"
But why he was asked. The idiot replied, "You don't believe it? Then disprove it!"

Irish Saw mill Accident....
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local saw mill.

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.
Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.
Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".
Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.

The very next day he's back at work in the sawmill.
A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.
So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to the Hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".
And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.
Wearily, Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to the hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."
Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."
"No", says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated".

A cannibal visited the witch doctor with a serious skin rash.
The doctor gave him a small pot of grease to rub on.
He returned next week completely cured. " Wonderful stuff what is it" he said
"My best friend died . I boiled him in a pot for six days then skimmed the grease off" he replied.
" What do you call it?" Said the cannibal.
" Pal o' mine lotion" replied the witch doctor.