misc jokes

A fellow was telling his buddies that in the evenings, he goes out and drinks and carries on with women,but always goes back home by 8:00 O'clock. He describes it as "sin till 8 ting"

Timothy :Why are you catching so many fleas?

Mike :Didn't you see the Notice Board?
There's going to be a Flea Market at
our Apartment Lobby tomorrow morning.

Mike, Jack, and Gary go for a hike in the woods. They are out about an hour enjoying the sights when they come around a sharp bend in the trail and spot a bear just in front of them feeding off some vegetation next to the trail. The bear lets out a menacing growl when it notices the hikers. Mike says "jump up and down, make some noise to scare it away". Jack says “that won't work, we need to play dead". They both ask Gary “what do we do?" There is no reply. Turning around they see Gary far down the trail behind them.

Why did the belt get locked up?
He held up a pair of pants!