misc jokes

A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was.
Business or pleasure, he asks?
Sadness and pleasure! She says to the officer!
Why?
Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral!
My condolences, says the officer!
It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through!
Not really, this is my pleasure! I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a Will for me!

A guy wants to become a magician so he goes out and buys a magician book. Later he gathers his family around the living room for his first trick. Reading his new book he reaches into a bag and pulls out a hammer and to the amazement of his family hits himself in the head with it. He's unconscious and spends a month in the hospital. Suddenly a nurse notices his eye lids flicker. She calls the family in and they gather around his bed. Just then he sits up in bed awake and says..."TA-DAA"

Q: Did you hear about the fire in the bakery?
A: It burned 20 cakes and 30 loaves of bread, and there were plenty of hot cross buns!

A skeleton walks down empty Main Street. Suddenly he sees another skeleton carrying a gravestone. "Hey, what are you doing?” the other skeleton answers "Just strolling", "Why do have the gravestone, buddy?", "Because I always want to have some ID”.