misc jokes

Goofy Fred took a friend driving on a narrow mountain road. After a while the friend said, “I feel very scared whenever you go around one of those sharp bends.”
“Then do what I do,” said Fred, “close your eyes.”

A guide was showing Niagara-Falls to a man from Texas and said; I’ll bet you don’t have anything like this in Texas.
The Texan said; nope, but in Texas we have plumbers who can fix it.

A man came back to the dealer from whom he bought a new car.
“I believe you gave me a guarantee with my car,” he said. “That’s right, sir,” the salesman answered. “We will replace anything that breaks.”
“Fine, I need a new garage door.”

“I’d like to order a bar pizza,” the idiot says.
“Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices,” the barmaid asks.
“Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”