misc jokes

Pam found an old family Bible in the attic. When she opened it, a large pressed leaf fell out. “Aha!” she said, “Adam must have left his clothes here.”

“I’d like to order a bar pizza,” the idiot says.
“Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices,” the barmaid asks.
“Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

I’m going to buy a farm two miles long and half inch wide said Jed.
What, would you grow on a farm that size, asked Roger.
Spaghetti, said Jed.

Here- why are you trying to cross the road in this dangerous place? There’s a zebra crossing just a few yards up the road, said the policeman.
Well, I hope he’s having better luck than I am, said the pedestrian.