misc jokes

A sadist and a masochist were locked in a room together.
In a very short while the masochist began to freak out, begging "Hit me, hit me!” To which the sadist replied, “No"

Q: How do you know you should not be driving because you have had too much to drink?
A: When you swerve to hit a tree and then realize that it was only your car air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror!

A young man bought an expensive piece of jewelry as a present for his girlfriend. “Don’t you want her name engraved on it?” asked the clerk. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the realistic, steadfastly replied, “No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again.”

A little old lady was among a group at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. “What on earth,” she inquired of the artist standing nearby, “is that?”

He smiled condescendingly. “That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.”

“Well, then” snapped the little old lady, “why isn’t it?”