misc jokes

Q: How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Colonel Sanders was after him.

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to smoke.

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just waken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, knock on wood." She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?!"