misc jokes

An old man was tired from riding his bike, and decided to hitch hike. A guy in his red Corvette pulled up to give him a lift. When the old man brought out his bike that he had leaned up against a tree, the driver said, "I have no room for your bike in my car, but I'd like to help you in someway seeing you standing here in the hot sun." After a few seconds of thought, the driver said, "I know what we can do. I have a rope behind my seat. I'll tie one end of it to the rear end of my car and the other end to the front your bike. You ride your bike, and I'll give you this whistle. If I go too fast for you, just blow your whistle and I'll slow down." The old guy agreed to it. So off he went down the highway with the old man and his bike in tow. A little ways down the rode, a young lady in a bright yellow corvette pulls up next to them. She gives the guy in the red Vette the High Sign, meaning "you want a drag?" Off they go down the highway, 100 plus MPH, the old man blowing his whistle like crazy. They zipped by a Highway Patrol cop sitting under a tree. The cop knew he couldn't catch them, so he called ahead to his fellow cop down the rode to intercept. "Car number 2, this is car number 1." "Go head number 1, what'cha got for me?" I got a red and yellow Vettes come down your way doing hundred plus, can you intercept?" "Ten-four, Is there anything else?" "Yeah, you wouldn't believe this, but there is an old guy riding a bicycle blowing his whistle trying to pass."

Bruno came home from school crying in hysterics. Looking at the bruises all
over his face, it was apparent he got into some trouble.
"What happened to you?" his father says in a panicky manner.
"You remember the other day you told me 'Sticks and stones may break my
bones, but words will never harm me.'" "Of course," the father replies.
"Well," Bruno says, "you were right about the sticks and stones."

Q. What would happen if you have a wooden car, with wooden wheels, a wooden chair, and a wooden engine?
A. It wooden start!

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" 
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left." 
God then addresses Bill Clinton: "Bill, what do you believe in?" 
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." 
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." 
God then addresses Bill Gates: "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?" 
Bill Gates says, "I believe you're in my chair."