religious jokes
Favorite this joke Two old friends met one day after many years. One attended college, and now was very successful. The other had not attended college and never had much ambition.
The successful one said, "How has everything been going with you?"
"Well, one day I opened the Bible at random, and dropped my finger on a word and it was oil. So, I invested in oil, and boy, did the oil wells gush. Then another day I dropped my finger on another word and it was gold. So, I invested in gold and those mines really produced. Now, I'm as rich as Rockefeller."
The successful friend was so impressed that he rushed to his hotel, grabbed a Gideon Bible, flipped it open, and dropped his finger on a page. He opened his eyes and his finger rested on the words, "Chapter Eleven."
The previous pastor had been a paragon of virtue. He lived up to all the people's expectations and was willing to live on a very low salary to boot. He loved to work around the church and kept both the church house and grounds in pristine condition.
But the new pastor wasn't that type. He hired someone to do a lot of these chores, including the mowing of the lawn. Naturally this cost more money. This change of pattern was of concern to some of the elders of the church. One day, one of them approached the new pastor and tried to bring this up tactfully. He said to the new pastor, "You know, our previous pastor mowed the lawn himself. Have you considered this approach?"
The new pastor came back, "Yes, I'm aware of this. I asked him, but he doesn't want to do it anymore."
A handyman was working for a temple in Allentown, PA, had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work.
First he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there he would have to answer one question.
The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born?"
The man answered, "Pittsburgh," and was shown the door.
He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there he would have to answer a question.
He was asked, "Where was Jesus born?"
The man answered, "Philadelphia."
He was dismissed.
Walking away, he encountered the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately."
The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. Where was Jesus born?
The rabbi says, "Bethlehem."
"HA!" cries the man. "I knew it was somewhere in Pennsylvania."
It was a very long and boring sermon.
As one parishioner left the church, he said: "Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God."
The pastor was thrilled: "Really? Tell me why."
"Because it endured forever."
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