religious jokes
Favorite this joke Harry the Complainer and his wife happened to pass away on the same day and as they await their interview with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, they're approached by an angel.
"Hello," says the angel. "I'm your host, and welcome to Heaven. In a few moments you'll be entering through our famous Pearly Gates for the most fantastic adventure you've ever experienced. You'll have a chauffeur driven limousine service anywhere in the universe, plus deluxe accommodations at our luxury hotel with all the amenities -- pool, Jacuzzi, indoor tennis courts, and more. Then after your day of relaxation, dine at any of our 5-star restaurants savoring the finest of any cuisine known to man."
At this point, Harry gives his wife a shove in the ribs with his elbow. "If it wasn't for you and that stupid oat bran, we'd have been here ten years ago!"
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked, "Doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"
Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."
This confused his grandmother a bit and she asked him, "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?"
Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"
Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. The parishioner heard Father Murphy mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath.
On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.
On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Father Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"
He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!"
By this time, the parishioner couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked the priest, "Why do you say Hoover?"
"It's the biggest dam I know," he replied.
What do you call a priest who returns stuff to the store?
Holy redeemer.
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