Best Jokes

I had the rudest, slowest, and nastiest cashier today...

That’s the last time I use the self checkout lane!

I decided to do research on my ancestry and went to a genealogy professional.

First question: "Have you any poor relations?"

"Not any that I know."

Second question: "Have you any rich relations?"

"Not any that know me."

A man says to a friend, “My wife is on a three-week diet.”

“Oh, yeah? How much has she lost so far?” asks his pal.

He replies, “Two weeks.”

A man was looking for someone to paint his porch. So he hired a young lady and told her what to do. After about 30 minutes, the lady came to the door and said, “I’m done.”

The man asked, “How did you get done so fast?”

The lady said, “It was hard at first, but it got easier towards the end. And by the way, it’s a Ferrari, not a Porsche.”