Best Jokes

Me (texting): Are we still on for today?

Reply Received: You don’t have to text me this every morning! As your boss, trust me when I say, WE ARE "ON" FOR WORK EVERYDAY, MON - FRI!

My wife and I recently took a trip down Route 66. We took side trips if it looked promising. On one of these side trips we passed this quaint country store. Then we kept passing stores similar to that one.

After the third time my wife says out loud, "How many roads does a man have to drive down before he admits he's lost?"

How to survive the coldest winter days:

1) Get dressed

2) Walk outside

3) Turn around

4) Return to inside

5) GET BACK IN BED!

"Jake," said his employer, "you've done a lot of good things since you've been here. I'm going to increase your pay five dollars a week."

"Thanks boss," replied Jake. "Would you mind putting that in writing?"

"Why? Don't you trust me?"

"I trust you boss," replied Jake. "It's my wife. If I say I got a five dollar raise, she will think it's really fifteen. I just need proof."