Best Jokes

I put my root beer in a square glass...

Now it's just beer.

Patient: I have a problem doctor. I feel depressed and unhappy.

Doctor: You should cut down on your drinking.

Patient: I don't drink and have never touched a drop in my life.

Doctor: You should cut down on your smoking.

Patient: I don't smoke either doctor.

Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing.

Patient: Good heavens! I haven't had a girlfriend in my entire life.

Doctor: Your problem is you have no problems! Get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, find a girlfriend or two, and then you will be alright.

The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss the matter.

Dad: "This is unacceptable, I don't use the home phone, I use my work phone."

Mom: "Me too, I use my company phone. I hardly use the home phone."

Son: "I use my office mobile. I never use the home phone."

All of them shocked turned to look at the maid who was patiently listening to them all this time.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones, what is the big deal?"

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”

“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars."