Best Jokes

Yesterday my spouse was berating me for checking my email all day as I work from home.

"You know," she complained, "I think that work rules your life."

"No dear," I replied, "you rule my life... I just prefer work."

I just got a fruit juicer because they say juicing adds years to your life.

What they don’t tell you is the years you add juicing, you lose cleaning your juicer.

"Now then, Tommy Brown," said the teacher, "I want to set you a little problem. Suppose there were five children and their mother had only four potatoes to share between them. She wants to give each child an equal share. How would she do it?"

"Mash the potatoes," said the boy.

As William Shakespeare died in 1616, I believe he should be referred to in the past tense...

Wouldiwas Shookspeared.