Best Jokes

I went to my Doctor and he suggested I do some exercises. Here is my new regiment...

1. Jump to conclusions
2. Climb the walls
3. Drag my heels
4. Push my luck
5. Make mountains out of molehills
6. Bend over backwards
7. Run in circles
8. Put my foot in my mouth

Interviewer: "Why did you leave your last job?"

Candidate: "There was a relocation."

Interviewer: "You moved?"

Candidate: "No, my company did. They just didn’t tell me where to."

What name might you give your mother's sister who always has a sour disposition?

Aunt Acid.

John: I hear your having trouble at the office.

Fred: Yes! The Director thinks the bookkeeper has been embezzling money.

John: What brought him to that conclusion?

Fred: The auditor found an account marked "Accounts Deceivable".