My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits ... and their bulging stomachs.
Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, I said to my wife, "I'm the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated."
She glanced at the well-dressed crowd, then back at me, and said, "You're the only one who has to."
Killing your father is called patricide.
Killing your mother is called matricide.
So, what is killing your friend called?
Homie-cide
A man is asking a farmer about his two cows.
Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?
Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man (looking puzzled): Ok.. what do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: She eats grass.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: She eats grass, too.
Man (becoming annoyed): Why do you keep asking me to specify which cow when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the brown cow is mine.
Man: Oh, and the black one?
Farmer: It’s mine, too.
An elderly couple were discussing the news, and the husband read from the paper, "It says, 'After the collapse of FTX, Beyonce could be next.' Why would a singer be in trouble?"
The wife blurts back, "It's Binance, you idiot."