Best Jokes

A man goes to the doctor and sits in the waiting room. A lady shuffles out from the doctor's door and sits next to him, waiting for her follow-up appointment. A bandage is wrapped around her head. "Gee, what happened to you?" the man asks.

She says, "I've got earosis and the doctor had to cut off my ear."

Unsettled, the man waits a bit more and another woman shuffles out with her leg fully bandaged. She takes the remaining unoccupied seat next to him. He turns to her, "What happened to you?"

She replied, "Oh, I've got ptomaine poisoning and the doctor had to cut off my toe."

The man is fully upset and walks out of the office as the receptionist calls out: "Mr. Jones, the doctor will see you for your asthma!"

What did the ghost say when the police arrested him for joy riding a small motorcycle?

“And to think, I always said I’d never get caught dead riding a moped.”

Jeopardy Answer: By the fourth century AD, Rome had 28 public ones stacked with rolls of papyrus.

Contestant’s Response: What are public toilets?

Correct Response: What are libraries?

Although my daughter wasn’t much of a bowler, when her friend’s bowling team was down a player, my daughter agreed to fill in.

“So how’d you do?” I asked a few days later.

She rattled off her scores: “One sixty, one sixty-seven, and one fifty-five.”

“Wow! That’s great!”

“No… One game sixty, one game sixty-seven, and one game fifty-five.”