Best Jokes

A scientist studying cat behavior was up for review seeking additional funding.

Board member: “If you can tell us how many cats it takes to turn on a light bulb we’ll extend your grant.

Scientist: “We’re getting close to finding out.”

Board member: “What have you found out pertaining to my question?”

Scientist: “So far we know it only takes one cat to turn a light off.”

Board member: “When a cat turns off a light is it intentional or incidental?”

Scientist: “We believe it’s intentional because they’re too agile to tip over your lamp by accident.”

What is the one thing joke writers learn first?

Proper grammar is a buzz kill.

A (coming of age) talk with his grandson the evening before his graduation from high school.

Paul Revere: I’ll never forget a certain midnight ride. We were on the verge of impending war with the British. The smell of fear and uncertainty lingered in the night air.

Grandson: Grandpa...

Paul Revere: Yes?

Grandson: Who are the British?

A scientist was working on an equation that would make ION propulsion viable but after several months he couldn’t make his theory work.

His neighbor a pastor at the local church took one look at the algorithm and solved in minutes.

The Scientist was astonished thinking it must be a miracle. The pastor said, “It was easy; after all they’re Parish-ION-ers.”