Best Jokes

A guy goes to a fish exhibit and sees the owner take out his wallet and place it on the nose of a carp in a fairly large pool.

The carp swims to the other end, transfers the wallet to another fish, and it swims back and gives the wallet back to the owner.

I was amazed as it was the first time I'd seen Carp-to-Carp Walleting!

Husband throwing darts at his wife's photo and not even a single throw hitting the target.

From another room the wife calls, "Honey, what are you doing?"

Husband: "MISSING YOU..."

Husband: Amazon has everything under the sun.

Wife: Can you order a couple of grandchildren for me. Our two boys will never get married; they're too busy chasing girls and they're not getting any younger.

Husband: There may be a way?

Wife: (Rolls her eyes)

Two days later a package comes in the mail.

Wife: A package just arrived and it has two DNA test kits in it. What good are DNA kits to a mother who wants to become a grandmother?

Husband: You might be surprised!

My wife, and other ladies in our parish, count church donations every Monday.

This week she came home early.

When I asked, "Why are you so early?"

She replied, "Everyone showed up this week, so we didn’t have anyone to talk about."