I bet my friends I'd witnessed a 200 pound flying squirrel streaking above the bright lights of Hollywood...
I ended up losing that bet, it turned out to be Superman leaving a costume party.
A couple were taking a group tour at a crocodile park when they come across a canal riddled with crocodiles. An eccentric millionaire in the group issued a challenge. Anyone who jumps into the canal and swim across the other side will receive $1 million. If he dies either by drowning or eaten by crocodiles, his widow will get $500,000.
All of a sudden a man jumps into the canal and starts swimming. The crocodiles took after him but somehow he managed to get to the other side unscathed. He gets $1 million, as promised, and gets back to his wife. The wife excitedly says, “I know you could do it, Honey”.
The husband says, “Oh yeah? What would you have done had I died?”
With the same enthusiasm the wife replies, “I would have still got $500,000.”
Daughter: "Did you hear, dad, they have just caught the biggest hotel thief in New York!"
Dad: "What hotel did he run?"