Best Jokes
Favorite this joke In a local restaurant a waitress offered the patron a cup of coffee. He refused, pointed a finger at her and said, "Young lady, don't you know that every single person who drinks coffee dies?"
Flustered, she said, "Really?"
Another customer said, "Hey, Mister. Don't scare the young lady like that. Everyone who does NOT drink coffee dies, too."
"I know," said the first patron. I am studying to be a politician. Half truths, even if what I said is the whole truth, is good enough."
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eye.
In Heinzsight, I shouldn't have done that.
Elle: "Grandpa, why are these eggs so large?"
Grandpa: "They're duck eggs."
Elle: "Where did you get them?"
Grandpa: "On the internet. It's easy if you use Quack Quack Go, just type in eggs and hit enter."
Elle: "I think you meant duck duck go."
Grandpa: "I don't think so. You have to use the right search engine and I wasn't looking for ducks."
Elle: "What if I wanted to donate to animals in wildfire distress?"
Grandpa: "Firefox and if you' want to find a date go to...."
Elle: "Don't tell me, Yahoo right?"
Wife: peck, peck… peck-peck-peck, that old Royal Typewriter drives me nuts. I wish you’d get rid of it and just type on your desk top and print it out like everyone else.
Husband: I just can’t get rid of it. This old typewriter is like a dear friend that has served me well.
Wife: Like an old friend that served you well? Pray tell dear husband, if you can name one instance of actual service I’ll never complain again.
Husband: I can name two things off the top of my head. It got me an early retirement; the incessant peck peck peck, drove my boss nuts too.
Wife: OK, I’ll give you that one but what’s the other thing?
Husband: You did say you’d quit complaining right?
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