Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A: There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist’s head is so much bigger.
John: "When I was taking psychology classes in college, they taught us that the first sign that someone is going insane is that they grow hair on their knuckles."
Fred: (While looking at his knuckles) "Really? I didn't know that."
John: "Yes. And do you know what the second sign is?"
Fred: "No. What?"
John: "Looking for it."
Wife: "I feel like you are always pushing me around and talking behind my back."
Husband: "Well, honey, you are in a wheelchair...."