Best Jokes

A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."

If a man is in the forest, talking to himself, with no woman around is he still wrong?

When is bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
When you’re a mouse!

A software expert was being attacked over his new product. He was defensive and would not back down.

"Your software has bugs!"

The expert replied, “My software never has bugs... it just develops some random features, that's all.”