Best Jokes

Two Martians landed on a corner traffic light.

“I saw her first,” one said.

“So what?” the other Martian replied. “I’m the one she winked at.”

Teacher: “I hope I didn’t see you looking at Timmy’s test paper?”

Little Johnny: ”I hope you didn't see me either!”

The conductor turned to the viola student and said, “You should have taken up the viola earlier."

“Why?” asked the student. “Do you think the practice would have made me really good?”

“No,” said the conductor. “But you might have given up by now.”

My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the home-improvement store.

Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on.

Getting annoyed, he scolded, "Madison! Stop that!"

"But, Daddy," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my gum back."