Best Jokes

Mr. and Mrs. Thorne had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in Majorca. "I wish we'd brought the piano with us," said Mr. Thorne.

"What on earth for?" asked his wife.

"I've left the tickets on it."

One day a man is walking down the street when he sees an old man with a nice looking dog. He goes over to the man and asks, "Does your dog bite?"

The old man replies, "No, never."

When the man bends down to pet the dog, it immediately takes a snap at his hand. The man says, 'I thought you said your dog did not bite!"

"I did," replies the old man, "but this isn't my dog!"

- EVER WONDER
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- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
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- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
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- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
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- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
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- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
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- Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
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- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
- made with real lemons?
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- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
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- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
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- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
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- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
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- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
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- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
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- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
- don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
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- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
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- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
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- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender laughs and says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and says, "You have a drink called Steve?"