Best Jokes

You Know You Are Out of College When:

- Your potted plants stay alive.
- Sleeping in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
- You have to pay your own credit card bill.

- Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
- "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
- "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.

- Jeans, flannels and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
- You stop confusing 401k plan with 10K run.

- You go to parties that police don't raid.
- You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
- Your car insurance goes down.

- You refer to college students as kids.
- You feed your dog science diet instead of taco bell.
- Half your conversations with current college students start with, "When I was in college..."

My wife claims I'm a baseball fanatic. She says all I ever read about is baseball. All I ever talk about is baseball. All I ever think about is baseball.

I told her she's way off base!

Two elderly ladies were discussing their "elderly" issues.

"You're in the grocery store, Ethel," Gladys begins, "and the urge suddenly comes upon you. You go into the woman's bathroom, and the only stall is filthy, a total mess. You go to the family bathroom, and find the door is locked. What do you do?"

Ethel thinks for a minute, then replies, "Depends."

Back in my hippie college days, a professor came up to me in the cafeteria and asked me, "Ya dig?"

I thought to myself, this guy's pretty far out. I answered, "Yeh, man. I dig!"

That's how I got hoodwinked into joining his archaeological expedition.