Best Jokes

Little Johnny runs to his dad and says, "Dad, there's water in the carburetor of the car!"

"How can you be so sure?" the father asks.

"I just know there is," replies Little Johnny.

"Do you even know what a carburetor is?"

"No," says Little Johnny.

"OK, where is the car?"

"In the lake."

A 90 year old geezer married a very young filly and was telling his doctor that they were expecting a baby.

"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "There was an absent-minded fellow who went hunting one day, but instead of picking up a gun, he picked up an umbrella. Suddenly, while he was out in the woods, a bear charged him. He pointed his umbrella at the bear, shot and killed it on the spot.

"Not possible!" the old geezer exclaimed. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"Exactly!" the doctor replied.

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into."

Now wipe that smile off your face.

A man, fond of practical jokes, decided late one night to send his friend a collect telegram which read: "I am perfectly well."

A week later, the joker received a heavy parcel...collect...on which he had to pay considerable charges. Upon opening it, he found a big block of concrete which had this message:

"This is the weight your telegram lifted from my mind."