"Mom, you said the baby had your eyes and Daddy's nose, didn't you?"
"Yes, darling."
"Well, you'd better keep an eye on him... he's got grandpa's teeth now.
"But why can't I talk inside the library?" Al asked his mother.
"Because you have to be quiet. Noise is a distraction. The people around you can't read."
"They can't read? Then why are they in the library?"
I am not liking the man I have become...
It's not a good sign when I answer Dora before my toddler does.
A senior couple pulls up to a rest stop to get something to eat.
Waiter: "How may I help you?"
Elderly Man: "Two hamburgers, please."
Elderly Lady: "What did he say?"
Elderly Man [yelling]: "He asked what we wanted and I told him 'Two hamburgers'!"
Waiter: "So, where are you heading?"
Elderly Man: "To Chicago to see our grandchildren."
Elderly Lady: "What did he say?"
Elderly Man [yelling]: "He asked where we're going. I told him we're going to see the grandkids!"
Waiter: "It sure is a nice day for a drive."
Elderly Man: "Yes, it's been quite pleasant."
Elderly Lady: "What did he say?"
Elderly Man [yelling]: "He said it's good weather!"
Waiter: "Where are you coming from?"
Elderly Man: "We started our trip from Pittsburgh."
Elderly Lady: "What did he say?"
Elderly Man [yelling]: "He asked where we're from and I said Pittsburgh!"
Waiter: "I dated a girl from Pittsburgh once. She wouldn't shut up and couldn't cook if her life depended on it."
Elderly Lady: "What did he say?"
Elderly Man [yelling]: "He says he knows you!"